Yoga conundrum

I enjoy doing yoga. I enjoy it a lot. Over the past year especially I have started doing yoga more.

I do not enjoy yoga class. I do not enjoy it very much at all. Though, I’ve only been to a couple classes, I can say I don’t enjoy it. Chances are, the classes that I went to were taught by sub par yogi’s. I’m sure good yoga classes exist.

My issues with yoga probably derives of a childhood participating in competitive sports. Leading me to an unknowingness of how to act. Yoga is a different kind of intensity, one that I have grown to be quite fond of, but still am not used to.

When I go to Yoga class I am not in the meditative state that is expected. I am my most neurotic self. I am thinking non-stop.

In class, I am a broken human.

—

“How does everyone know ALL of these positions?”

“I wonder if everyone is sweating as much as I am right now..”

“Why does no one else fall out of position?”

“Oh my god, my body does NOT look like hers in my yoga clothes. Jealous.”

“Is grunting allowed in here?”

“Everyone can hear me breathing loudly…. I need to stop breathing loudly… oh god, how do I stop breathing so damn loudly?!”

“Namaste? Doesn’t that mean…”

“Eff this.”

—

I love yoga. I love how it makes me feel. I love that I am using every part of my body. I love that I am suddenly aware of my entire body. I love that it gives me an excuse to buy stupid expensive clothes from lululemon.

My issue with yoga class stemmed from the first time I heard “namaste” uttered from the yogi’s mouth.

That word is thrown around these days. And, most people don’t even know what it means.

Namaste, from what I have studied, literally means “bow to you”. It is traditionally used when to say “I salute the God within you”. It is a lovely sentiment.

But, given my mostly agnostic outlook on life, I don’t think it appropriate, neither do I welcome someone saluting “the god within me”. No thank you. I also don’t feel it appropriate to “bow to” me. What have I done worth bowing to?

It’s not that I don’t like the word. It’s a great word. And, if used properly, a really great word. I don’t like that the majority of the time, though, it is not used properly.

I think it’s important to respect yoga’s history and tradition. To embrace the art. For the most part.

My biggest issue with yoga class, beyond my own neurosis, is that it is considered “cool”. Using “namaste” in a sentence doesn’t make you cool. Unless you are using it in the right context. Then, maybe, you can be cool.

I’m sure as time goes on I will learn to enjoy yoga class more. And who knows, maybe I will feel so comfortable to go out saluting the gods in everyone. Maybe.